Sincerity

Ahaks! Again..it's been almost a year! since my last update..sorry blog for keeping u covered with spiderwebs! hahaha! I decided to continue blogging..and hope will continue..

Today, I've a story to tell..a simple event that has left me quite a deep mark that made me reflect on many things...to be aware and more thankful for things that happen in life.

7.45pm, I was still waiting at the bus stop for the bus to go home. Trying to control the shiver due to cold winds from the heavy rain, my mind got carried away thinking - flight tickets bought ok that's settled; hotels to book soon, which hotel?what price?; what's for menu?how many people are coming?; how to move on with the last bit of the program i finished earlier today? what to present for this week's discussion..zillion others came by and went off within split seconds..

7.47pm, the Brighton & Hove bus finally approach the bus stop, I felt relieved - that I didn't have to be in the cold longer than expected and that I'd reach home very soon to prepare food for tonite's dinner. Work early in the morning added with a good number of booked appointments due to the beginning of new student intake; complete focus on research work and further decision-based thinking left me almost drained for the day. Not allowing the mind to blame myself not returning home earlier, I quickly got on the bus. Normally seated upstairs, somehow..I decided to seat downstairs, got myself seated somewhere in the middle of the bus. As the bus moved, I gazed around looking at people around, there were not many and my gaze stopped at an elderly man(perhaps in his 60s) who was also looking directly at me, I nodded and exchange a smile.

Looking outside the window in the dusk, my mind continue to generate..2 things were in mind.."what's for breaking fast?"- it's only a few minutes away from Maghrib and the tummy's been grumbling seeking for attention!, but a more interesting question kept bugging me.."am i really lucky?" - a question pondered over the line I was told by a friend that "i have always been" a while before leaving school. A question that I have missed to pay careful attention long time ago that would definitely made me become a more thankful human being so long ago..

While making every mindful effort not to fall into deep thinking with more questions, my eyes catched the elderly man who was staring at me while occasionally looking out the window suddenly stood up and walked to his groceries bag located at the front part of the bus, ic..he just did his groceries..hmm..lots of food..at that instance, I thought..hmm..wouldn't it be nice if I were to have at least a bar of choc in my bag to break fast.. It was already the time for breaking fast, but had nothing to munch, it wouldn't be long to reach home..I thought. Out of sudden, the man approached me with a smile and handed me a bar of an unopened sainsbury's choc bar, apart from giving it away to two other girls who got in the bus at the same as I did. I was staggered! whut?! Never has it occured to me for 1 and half years ago to receive anything at such a spontaneous scenario in the Brighton and Hove bus! The other girls were confused and shocked too. That left me speechless that I was almost unable to say out a simple thank you, although a bit shaky..i did say it out and a smile in return once again left me disoriented..but somehow..I felt a gush of relieve that I had something to break fast as the clock was approaching 8pm. Blanky, I twist and turn the choc bar....unknowingly whether I should eat or leave it...I've never trusted, never dared to eat any form of food given by strangers but strangely..I felt this one is an exceptional..Somehow, a mutual trust/agreement exist between myself and the elderly man who handed me the choc. It's as if he knew that I was supposed to be breaking fast and didn't have anything to eat, thus gave me the bar. Whether or not it was correct, that was my final conclusion.

I then open the bar and ate almost all of them while not trying to look at the man but realized (from a brief glance) that he felt relieved too for doing a small favour which meant extremely huge to another human being(me!). From his expression, I could read that he was glad for handing over a piece of food to me. At that point of time, the question I was thinking about previous to that struck my mind again..this time with an answer .."yes, i have ALWAYS been very lucky"...from the day I first took my breath, I have always been very very lucky but have failed to realize to be very very thankful until today when a stranger did something common but left me to realize many things. He stopped 2 stations before me and I managed to whisper thank you before he left the bus, and saw him nodding happily with a big wave while looking at me through the window as the bus moved. Knowing the fact that a stanger actually offered me help(which I consider sincere), I was close to tears.

I couldnt hold it any longer as I got off the bus. Tears fell through my cheeks as how it rained earlier today. It wasn't because of being emotional, but because of being extremely thankful for god's creation..for the feeling of pity, humanity, sincerity and a whole lot of endless list. It marks me most to realize that I have always been lucky in many sense - to have a loving mother who never fails to pray for me, to be nagged so that I become a better human, to have a wonderful family whom without fail are always there for me, to have a constant good academic background that I never completely understand to value, to love and be loved, to be surrounded and always be supported by real friends and most of all to realize that being humble and sincere will guide u through to become a better person..all of which are my pillars of strength which I have ALWAYS taken for granted by not caring enough...

Today's experience wasn't a new one to me..I didn't learn new lessons, but it has tremendously strenghtened my views on a few things :

1. When helping others, help with a full since heart as that's what you'll get in return. You may get the same in a near future or it may be in many years to come. Perhaps not from the same person, perhaps a stranger..just as what has happened to me. It feels extraordinarily relieved when somebody offers help at the time u need the most. After all, you get what you give...
2. At times, trust and follow your instinct as you never know if it will bring you to the unexpected... (I wouldn't get this experience if I were to return home early or were to sit upstairs!)
3. It's actually more than luck when u feel that u've been lucky... It's actually effort that makes the luck to happen...I learn my lesson.

Thank you for coming to the end of this unintended essay!